The family, nowadays, is under stress which is a threat to the happiness of the home. The stress is traceable to three factors namely: rural-urban migration, sexual revolution, and economic downturn. Industrialisation caused by the rural-urban drift has created a whole new environment. Second, sexual revolution has brought changes in values and role concepts; while the economic downturn has resulted in the high cost of living.

In a situation like this, establishing a happy home requires tremendous efforts based on certain principles.  Four of these principles are discussed in this article namely: (i) the Role of the husband (ii) the demands on the wife (iii) Marriage maintenance and (iv) Children training.

The Role of the Husband

Establishing a happy home requires you (husband) to wisely and lovingly fulfill your God-given role as head of the home.  The Bible states that the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church (Ephesians 5:23) The headship referred to  relates to functional authority, which must be exercised responsibly and selflessly. This would make it easy for your wife to recognize and submit to your leadership and authority spontaneously.

You will also need to love your wife sacrificially, with the motive to elevate and contribute to her overall well-being physically, materially, emotionally, and spiritually.  When you exercise responsible leadership and unselfish love, you are on your way to making a happy home.

The Role of the Wife

 The traditional concept of housewife, dutifully attending to domestic chores while the husband is away to work, is fast disappearing.  This is due to the pressures on the home from modern society which have drastically altered women’s role in the home.

Nevertheless, women who seriously desire to fill their God-assigned place in life will not succumb to these pressures. Their desire would be to abide by the biblical roles for women which open the door to a happy home. The biblical roles are based on the principle of helpmate and submission.

The principle of submission is for the wife to recognize the leadership of her husband and submit to his authority.  “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18).   Please note that the submission principle does not make a wife inferior to her husband – even when extra patience is required on the part of the wife in the case of unbelieving husband.

The second biblical principle in the husband/wife relationship is that of woman as helper. God’s intention from the beginning of creation was that Eve should be an helpmate for Adam (Genesis 2:18). The wife, having unique superior qualities of her own is to complement her husband, making-up for lacks and deficiencies. For example some men have little self-control when it comes to money: they buy anything they want regardless of the family budget. This is where the wife can be her husband’s helper in terms of managing the family’s money matters. The pressures that came upon a family as a result of financial stress will thus be alleviated. The husband is relieved and his wife rightfully feels her importance and usefulness.

Marriage Maintenance

Marriage maintenance requires the husband and his wife to ensure the following four ‘Cs in their home: commitment, communication, companionship, and control.

Commitment.

Beginning from the wedding day, you and your spouse must recognize the unbreakable contract of the marriage bond and commit yourselves to it.  By your words and actions, remind and reassure each other of your continuing love and devotion.

Communication

Marriage maintenance requires communication at three levels namely: information, feeling and conflict. .

Communication at the level of information involves talks about day-to-day events, like the events that happened at work during the day: what was desirable and what was not.  Communication at the level of feeling makes the two of you to confidently and sincerely open up to yourselves in the expression of your emotions: fears, joys, weaknesses, and needs.  The third communication at the conflict level involves handling disagreements in a calm, controlled, and open manner. 

Marriage maintenance requires a reasonable, open-minded discussion of differences, a willingness to be the least, and a desire to make loving concessions. 

Companionship

Spend time with your spouse.  It is essential for good marriage maintenance.This is one thing that brought the two of you together in the first instance; and when you do, you are satisfying a basic human need.  So, consciously evaluate your schedule and reserve time for your spouse.

Control

Self-discipline is vital in making a happy home, especially when it comes to the sexual instinct and the handling of money.  Within the bonds of matrimony sex is a deep, rich, and meaningful expression of love;  but outside of it, it is sinful and degrading.  Therefore, recognize the will of God on sexual behaviour and be careful to exercise self-control in this area of life.  The bible warns, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled, but fornicators and adulterers God will judge”. (Hebrews 13:4)

Self-discipline is also important in the handling of money.  Many homes have lost happiness because of trouble over finances.  In today’s easy-credit society, some families over-stretch themselves, and live under tension because of failure to meet their bills.  You can make your home happy by exercising self-discipline in the way you spend money.  Be open and honest in analyzing your needs, wants and the proposed spending without putting undue pressure on your spouse.  Above all, sincerely pray for the Lord’s direction. 

The Children

Another critical factor in making a happy home is child training. Bringing up your children through their infancy, childhood, and teenage years can be enjoyable, rewarding, and God-honouring.  The following are essential to achieve this:

Companionship

It is important that you spend time with your children if you desire to make a happy home.  They need your individual, and undivided attention from infancy through their teenage years – and sometimes in adulthood.  The hours spent with them are an investment in their spiritual welfare and future happiness.  So, do not be too busy as not to have time for them. 

Confidence

As children mature in years, you need to express a reasonable confidence in them. Provide the necessary guidance as they expand their interests and widen their circle of friends, allowing them to spread their wings at a comfortable but controlled pace.

A Biblical Education with personal example.    In Deuteronomy 6:4-9, Moses emphasized the importance of parental instruction in spiritual matters. Teach your children the Word of God right from infancy.  Talk to them about God, and let them know that you believe His Word, the Bible, and that you trust its promises.  In practice, let it be evident to them that your actions match your words, and that your decisions and morality are based upon the biblical truth.  

Discipline

Making a happy home requires you to discipline your children in love.

Whenever discipline becomes necessary, the reason for it must be understood by all concerned.  It should be evident to the child that the punishment is being administered for a good and justifiable reason.  The discipline must be consistent, otherwise it might send confusing signals.

Respect

It is important to raise a child with a healthy sense of self-worth.  Your children must know that each of them is important to you – and to God.  Therefore, they must learn to value self-respect, apart from respecting others.   I have a code of conduct in my family which is: ‘Respect your seniors, respect your colleagues, respect your juniors, and respect yourself’. Interestingly, this has helped to enhance respect and good behavior among my children. Any child who is tempted to misbehave is quickly reminded by his/her colleague of this code of conduct. 

So, the assurance of a reasonable respect and a healthy sense of self-worth will enable the children to develop their skills and realize their potential. 

The determination to adhere to all the above prayerfully will ensure the desired happiness in your home.

—————-

References

Richard W. De Haan (1981),  How to make a House a Home, Radio Bible Class, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49555.

Scofield, C.I. (1986), The First Scofield Reference Bible (KJV), World Bible Publishers, Inc., Iowa Falls, USA.

Ijagbulu, Dele (1989), ‘For Husbands Only’. A bi-monthly publication of Olu-Ibukun Counselling Centre, Ibadan, Nigeria.

Samson Adeyekun
http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/how-to-make-a-happy-home-728072.html

Roughly 50% of all marriages fail and many of those dont even make it past the first year. Understanding why these marriages fail can be key to ensuring that your own marriage does not fail. Some factors that contribute to the failure of a marriage include a lack of communication or poor communication, financial issues and even the circumstances of the marriage. All of these issues can exist in a healthy and enduring marriage but if they are not dealt with properly they can lead to the failure of the marriage.

Communication is critical to the success of a marriage. Without proper communication, conflict resolution becomes a difficult issue. If the couple lacks the communication skills necessary to resolve their problems, then even the smallest problems will become insurmountable. Communication allows a relationship to grow and thrive by giving the partners an opportunity to share their dreams, concerns, hopes and desires with each other. Without sharing in this way a couple will not grow as close together as possible. Communication also gives the couple a healthy way to resolve their arguments.

If one or both partners lack effective communications skills it becomes difficult to resolve arguments because the couple is not able to understand each others points of view.

If the marriage is already in trouble, both partners in the marriage must be dedicated to working on their communication skills in order to improve or salvage their marriage. The absence of effective communication techniques can lead to the failure of a marriage.

Love may conquer all but sometimes even love isnt enough to save a marriage when there are significant financial concerns. While financial concerns in and of themselves may not be the cause of a failed marriage the tension that financial concerns create is often the culprit in a failed marriage. Financial concerns can be a heavy burden to bear and when a couple is struggling to meet their financial obligations, there can be a tremendous amount of pressure in the relationship. This pressure may be enough to destroy an otherwise healthy marriage.

If one of the partners in the marriage becomes obsessed with the marital finances they can begin to neglect other aspects of the marriage. This neglectful behavior has the affect of making the spouse feel ignored and lonely which can be damaging to a marriage. Often one of the partners will become consumed with the financial affairs and this can be very damaging to a marriage.

Even the circumstances surrounding the marriage can lead to its failure. A marriage of convenience is often not a healthy marriage. When the decision to marry is based on something other than true love, it is likely that the marriage will fair. Some examples of marriage circumstances that often lead to failure are getting married because there is a baby on the way or because the couple is feeling pressure to get married by friends and family members. Neither of these reasons are truly valid reasons for marriage and often leads to divorce. When a couple marries for reasons other than true love the marriage is often doomed before it starts.

Marrying too young is another reason why many marriages fail. While the right age to marry varies greatly depending on the person, many people argue that the teens and early twenties are too early to get married. Getting married before you have had a chance to enjoy many of lifes experiences can result in resentfulness in the marriage and can be the cause of failure of the marriage.

Another reason why many marriages fail is that society no longer places importance on the institution of marriage. Today it is common for couples to live together and have children without being married. This degeneration of society devalues marriage and results in a higher percentage of failed marriages. With so little value placed on marriage in todays society, couples are not committed to making their marriage work and are often quick to give up on the marriage and each other.

Many marriages today are doomed before they even start. Marriage is no longer seen as a necessary step in a relationship so many couples are quick to divorce without making an honest effort to resolve their problems. Communication breakdown, financial difficulties as well as circumstances of the marriage are all problems that can cause many marriages to fail.

T J Madigan
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/why-do-most-marriages-fail-112040.html

Why You Need To Know Your Clients Expectations Before You Outsource Your Customer Support Overseas

Clients from different cultures have different expectations on the type of service you provide them. And when you outsource your customer support to another country you may open your company’s communication up to a whole new set of cultural blunders.

My own cultural expectations, living in one country, buying something from a company based in a second country I’m very familiar with, were frustrated because this company had a call center in a third country with different cultural habits and a totally different outlook on my own client expectations.

And I was not expecting to have to adapt to this third country’s cultural values. Here’s what happened:

The Scenario:

• I am North American and I live in France.
• I wanted to buy an airplane ticket from a North American airline company for my 18 year old daughter.
• My two major purchase factors were that I wanted an inexpensive ticket. I wanted to see if there were any deals for young people.
• This company did not have any sales offices in France.
• I had to go online and find the deal I wanted and then call a customer support person to make the purchase. This customer support person was located in India.
• I spent half an hour on the phone asking my questions and sorting details out. During this half hour the price of the ticket increased 3 times to well over 20% the price indicated online just before I called.

The Cultural Difference

• The person on the other end of the phone just could not understand my frustration at having gone through all of the hoops I was asked to, and being penalized for it.
• I was given incorrect information concerning the prices. The prices indicated online were changing regularly. This feeling was not acknowledged or considered in any way appropriate by the customer support personnel.
• I was spoken to as if I should accept any large increase in price now because I was European, therefore rich, and therefore could afford any price increase as well as any further price increases. The differences between my culture and any form of North American “political correctness” and this person’s cultural background were huge.

This is not the only cultural conflict I have experienced with call centers outsourced to countries with totally different cultural values to the company selling to me and myself.

It is obvious that some companies are setting themselves up for constant communication issues by outsourcing to cultures incompatible with their clients’ cultural service expectations.

Incident Conclusion

So, my conclusion is: if you are in international business and want to find cheaper options for certain tasks, evaluate very carefully just how outsourcing to a different culture may create communication barriers for your clients.

Outsourcing may save you money in one hand and cost you a loss of revenue in the other hand.

Sure, you can invest heavily in training your outsourced center and you can create excellent call scripts. But it is near impossible for companies to eradicate inborn cultural values in their employees when they are living in their own culture.

Successful outsourcing is also obviously based on good operating practices.

• If I had had a local representative to speak to here in France, or even an actual North American representative to speak to, my bad experience would not have happened.
• Many companies are finding they can provide a better experience by only using call center personnel from the same country as the buyer. It is often easier to open a call center in a local area with high unemployment than to risk outsourcing to a different culture.
• If the online ticket ordering process had been totally online and able to answer my two questions on prices, my bad experience would not have happened.

How To Get Beyond Frustration

But I wanted to get beyond my own frustrations. I understand companies who take decisions based purely on their ROI. As a small company owner I have to do the same thing.

How can companies create a better match between differences in their clients’ expectations and the low cost labor markets with different cultures where their customer support is outsourced?

The choice in the right country to outsource your customer support involves a lot more than cost.

Good prior evaluation reduces the cost of losing clients through what boils down to very bad international communication.

The Answer Lies In The Differences In Cultural Behavioral Values

A study of the different behavioral values of different countries involved provides some clues as to why this situation happened in the first place.

What Are Behavioral Values?

Cross cultural communication experts define different cultures as having different ways of behaving along 5 different scales:

• High Individualism versus High Collectivism Behavior
• High versus Low Uncertainty Avoidance Behavior
• High versus Low Power Distance Behavior
• High Masculinity versus High Femininity Behavior
• High versus Low Context Behavior

How To Interpret Cultural Behavioral Values

Looking at the results of research done on these different behavioral values does not give you absolute certainties.

Cultural generalizations are not always 100% accurate. Your market may have other determining factors. But cultural behavioral values do give a very clear indication to why cultural miscommunication happens when it actually does.

Studying and simply being aware of the differences in cultural behavioral values can help you to come up with solutions and work around the communication barriers.

The Cultures You Need To Look At

It is important to look at the cultural behavioral values in your own country compared to those in the country doing your outsourced work.

Your international clients will come from all over the world. But you should be able to identify strong client bases. And you might want to look into the cultural behavioral values from those countries.

Then you have to evaluate your needs and your clients’ needs.

Be sure to evaluate your clients’ expectations before deciding on your international customer support strategy.

Good Cross Cultural Communication.

Good cross cultural communication is something you gain from experience. But there are two things worth noting:

Good communication is part of all successful businesses.

Good cross cultural communication is part of all successful international businesses.

If you would like to learn more about different cultural behavioral values, the Get International Clients Newsletter will be covering a different behavioral scale each week for the next 5 weeks.

Sign up now so you know how to adapt your sales support to your international clients’ expectations.

Are you committed to speeding up your international sales cycles?

Learn how to combine cross-cultural marketing tools and international sales strategies for faster sales.

Join us on the International Sales Road Map

Would you like to develop your international business?
Are you a beginner at international sales and marketing?

Read the Beginners Guide Discover Your International Business.

Cindy King
http://www.articlesbase.com/international-business-articles/why-you-need-to-adapt-your-sales-and-marketing-to-fulfill-your-international-client-expectations-712583.html

Modern Man in T. S. Eliot’s

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

By

Farhad Moradi

M.A. in

English Literature

Thomas Stearns Eliot’s poetry has been of great influence in revealing to man his real identity during the last fifty years. To Eliot, the modern man is no longer the best creature ever created by God. He is neither a being supreme in everything. Nor is he the all-knowing, the most determined, and the sociable creature one might think of. How is this modern man depicted in his poetry is a question that would take time and meticulous effort to be answered. Nevertheless some characteristics of man are more evident in his poetry: Man suffers an impoverishment of emotional vitality. He lives according to the rules of the empty social conventions and those of a decadent culture. Man’s life is partly sordid and sensual. He is to some extent aware of his isolation and footlessness. He feels himself entangled in a corrupt, decaying, Ugly Society. All of these features, however, could be categorized into three major groups. Each group, in turn, would show a series of subsidiary relating problems which would make a whole entity. The duplicity of Man, lack of communication among Men, and Man’s isolation are three basic predicaments of Man, making him more and more alienated. Although, these motifs are common to Eliot’s poetry the writer here tries to trace them in his “Love Song” (The Waste Land and Other Poems 12).

The sense of duplicity within the modern man is a major motif in Eliot’s “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” (12). In this poem the hero, Prufrock, is helplessly caught in an interminable quarrel between his own desire to live by himself and the obligation to submit to the social conventions. Eric Sigg in his book, The American T.S. Eliot, affirms that Eliot depicts the duplicity between the “Character and environment” and between the “warning elements within a single soul.” This duplicity makes Purfrock suffer helplessly. The two selves, that is, the personal and the social, have to tolerate each other (188 – 9). For treating each self Prufrock, however, has some strategies.

To the people in the society Prufrock, the representative of the modern Man, has a different self to put forward. This self as Eliot expresses is something artificial that should be prepared: “There will be time, there will be time to prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet” (Lines 26-27). This notion, however, needs to be explained somehow.

Man, in order to be accepted by others, tries to make himself as similar to them as possible. Joseph Conrad strikes the idea even further. He states that, “We can at times be compelled into a mysterious recognition of our opposite as our true self” (The Norton Anthology of English Literature 847). Man is nevertheless, instinctively and naturally a creature different from what he puts forward in the public. It is palpable, for example, in his getting bored with his fellowmen as soon as they try to penetrate to his personal life. In this sense man is a hypocrite, a double dealer.

Man, again, has a sense of duplicity regarding his own self. He suffers in the society yet he is unwilling, actually unable, to do something about it. In a book entitled T.S. Eliot. The Longer Poems, Derek Teraversi is of the opinion that the badness is within the Man not in the society. According to Traversei, Man is psychologically handicapped. He is unable to take the necessary actions (22 – 28).

The idea of duplicity in its both aspects, within the Man, and between the Man and society, has a general impact on him. Hugh Kenner in his The Invisible Poet specifies that the conflict between Prufrock, who stands for the modern Man, and himself and also his conflict with the society “condemns him to boredom and passivity.” He considers Man’s role in the society no more than that of a fool (20). The fact is expressed, explicitly, in the poem where Prufrock is analyzing himself as: “At times, indeed, almost ridiculous. /Almost, at times, the Fool (limes 118-119).

As a result of this view, Prufrock retreats to his own self which would result in two other problems: his inability to communicate and, consequently, his isolation.

Lack of communication among Men another basic theme functioning in “The Love Song”. The idea is presented by Martin Scofield in T.S. Eliot: The Poems. He, however, puts an emphasis on “a positive relationship… between a man and a woman” (66). Nevertheless, Prufrock seems to be unable to communicate with all of those who are around him, both Men and Women. It is interesting, in the same manner, that others are equally unable to have a positive relation with him. Thus, the idea can be studied from a communal point of view. Inability to communicate is common to all. Yet, the problem with Prufrock is that he is aware of this fact; others are not. Although it seems that others are having conversations as “In the room the women come and go / Talking of Michelangelo. (Lines 13- 14/35- 36), talking about Michelangelo would be a kind of escape each speaker resorts to not to be touched by the other person’s real words about the real life situation. The Michelangelo talk, in other words, is not a genuine way of communication since it does not penetrate to real alive people’s life, in this case the speakers themselves. Tangible communication, generally referred to, infiltrates the communicators mind and makes a way to their inner selves. Thus defined, there appears no sign of communication in the Michelangelo talk where some women would presumably maneuver over some already-known, stereotyped talk about Michelangelo who, in his turn, being an artist, is deliberately chosen by Eliot as a source of attraction to women. Thus he acts as an entertaining subject to talk about. Nevertheless, the women would, as the nature of such talks importunes, concentrate on out witting each other by putting across deeper familiarity with the artist and his works. They do not, however, get into real conversation about their real alive fellow people. This might have the same cause as Prufrock’s being reticent.

With the repetition of two lines, all in all, there are three places in the poem where Eliot refers to the lack of communication. Line 97 (repeated in line 110), line 103 and line 117 (13-14). Although the idea is common to all of the above mentioned lines, the motives seem to be different in each of them. In lines 97 and 110, for instance, one can observe that Prufrock is uncommunicative because he fears to be misinterpreted. In lines 103 and 117, however, what makes Prufrock reticent is the simple fact that he is unable to utter his words: “Full of sentence, but a bit obtuse” (Line 117).

The fear of being misinterpreted is basic to Prufrock’s preference to be silent. This fear, as expressed in lines 97 and 110, results from the consciousness on the part of Prufrock of the idea of lack of communication. In the two lines Prufrock imagines that he would be able to break the ice and talk to someone, a woman in this case, what would be the outcome of that? Prufrock believes it as being misinterpreted by the lady. She would say: “That is not what I meant at all. That is not it, at all” (Lines 97-98 109-110). In this way Prufrock never tries a conversation and remains silent.

There is also another cause for Prufrock’s silence. In lines 103 and 117 he explicitly alludes to the fact. Line 103 reads: “It is impossible to say just what I mean!” He seems to be willing to express what he has inside. Yet, he seems devoid of the means, hence words. Eliot carries on with this idea to line 117 where he briefly and beautifully summarizes Prufrock: “Full of sentence, but a bit obtuse” (13).

Lack of communication as a theme of modern Man’s, Prufrock’s life, in turn, brings up the problem of isolation.

The theme of isolation of the modern man is also central to Eliot’s “The Love Song.” Here Eliot tries to show man as a creature isolated from the community. This man is unable to go to the public. As it was discussed earlier Man is struggling between two selves: Social self, that is, what he puts forward in community, and his own self, a being living by himself. In “The Love Song” these two seem to be at odds with each other. This oddity, by itself, implies that human relations are futile and useless as well. Man should retreat to the remote distances of his mind. The poem, as a whole, affirms the idea. The poem is a monologue not a conversation.

“The Love Song”, being a monologue, is again a symptom of Prufrock’s isolation. In this sense, all of the actions take place in the speaker’s mind. There is no actual action. Walking “at dusk through narrow streets”, “coming from the dead”, “disturbing the universe”, even such minute actions of “scuttling across the floors of silent seas” and other references to action, interspersed throughout the poem, are but fake and false actions taking place in Prufrock’s imagination. He does nothing. He is far removed from the actual world to perform an action. He is isolated. He cannot enjoy being with others or if he can it’s so painful to him. Others’ experience is no better. G.B. Harrison in his book Major British Writers, describe these people as “People whose pleasure are so sordid and so feeble that they seem almost sadder than their pains” (830).

Prufrock’s isolation is reported in different ways in ‘The Love Song”. In a series of lines one can observe that Prufrock considers himself a Man who stands out of the community. He looks at people from outside of their groups. This can be traced in lines 42, 44, 49, 55, and 62. Except for the lines 42 and 44 in the remaining lines Prufrock is addressing the people. He alludes to different parts of their bodies. Line 49 reads. “For I have known them all already, known them all.” Line 55: “and I have known the eyes already, known them all.” And finally line 62: “And I have known the arms already, known them all” (13). A close study shows that Prufrock, through naming the parts of the body, emphasizes that neither of them appeal to him as a whole. Neither could compensate for his isolation. Sexual connotations are evident.

The idea of isolation, however, finds a new dimension in lines 42, and 44. In these lines Prufrock shows himself conscious of the people around him. He believes that they look at him questioningly. They are fault finding. The most terrible scene takes place when they, Prufrock imagines it, begin to talk about his physical deficiencies. His hair and his arms as well as his legs are the targets of their criticism. Line 42 reads: “They will say: ‘How his hair is growing thin!’” Line 44 is another example: “they will say: ‘How his arms and legs are thin!’” (Eliot 12) This sense of consciousness about the surroundings is described as a hindrance to coming to an understanding of the surroundings. The McGraw – Hill Guide to English Literature affirms the idea: “the consciousness presented in the poem is an intensely anxious and important one in that the speaker is unable to draw conclusions about anything” (321). He is nervous about that. He thinks that he is under their scrutiny. Thus, he feels more isolated from them. He, consequently, gets to the point that finds “the chambers of the see” the only suitable place for him to dwell in. (line 129) D.E.S. Maxwell in an essay, entitled “The Early Poem,” in the book Critics On T.S. Eliot states that, “Prufrock… never penetrates beyond ‘the cups, the marmalade, the tea’, to a conclusion either with the ladies in the poem or with his surroundings” (14).

Duplicity, lack of communication, and isolation are three major predicaments from which Prufrock suffers in “The Love Song”. The society seems to have a share in that. Yet, Prufrock, the representative of the modern man, himself, seems to be responsible for his sufferings. That is because everything happens within him. As a result, he becomes more and more alienated; hence the affliction of the modern Man.

Bibliography

· Abrams, M.H.; David, et al. The Norton anthology of English Literature. New York: W.W. Norton and Company, Inc., 2000.

· Gordon, Lyndall. The Wasteland and the Other Poems, London: Faber and Faber, 1940.

· Harrison, G.B. Major British Writers New York: Harcourt, Brace and World, Inc. 1957.

· Kenner, Hugh. The Invisible Poet: T.S. Eliot. London: Mathuen and Co., Ltd, 1985.

· Lawerence, Karen, Seifter, Besty, and Ratner, Lois. The Mc Graw-Hill Guide to English Literature. 2 Vol. 4, USA: McGraw – Hill, Inc., 1985.2:321.

· Scofield, Martin. T.S. Eliot: The Poems. London Faber and Faber, 1994.

· Sigg, Eric. The American T.S. Eliot. New York: Cambridge University Press, 1989.

· Sullivan, Sheila. Reading in Literary Criticism: Critics on T.S. Eliot. New Delhi: George Allen and Unwin Publishers, 1995.

· Traversi, Derek. T.S. Eliot: The Longer Poems. New York: Harcourt Brance Jovanovich, 1976.

Farhad Moradi
http://www.articlesbase.com/literature–articles/modern-man-in-ts-eliots-love-song-of-j-alfred-744710.html

There is more to effective communications than just being able to express yourself verbally. You must be willing and able to listen to others! Learning to listen is more than half the battle.

Listening is the way you learn what is going on and how it affects people. Usually, when there is a problem in an organization, it’s because the leader hasn’t listened to what is going on until it’s too late and the situation has occurred.

There are two things you can do to grow your listening skills.

First, practice effective questioning. Think about questions you need to ask and ask good questions. You need to hear the answers from others, so don’t have any preconceived notions about them.

Second, look for feedback. Giving and receiving feedback is a win-win situation. Ask for feedback from all members of the team, or group, and listen to it with an open mind. You need to remain open minded in order to effectively evaluate the answers you receive. This will also build trust amongst the group.

As a leader, you will eventually, and from time to time, have to deliver bad news to your team members. This is when your listening skills are the most critical. You must be as sharp as possible in listening to the feedback from team members in a bad situation so that you can effectively determine the impact this has on the people as individuals, and on the group as a whole.

There is a sequence of emotions that everyone goes through when they hear bad news. It starts with shock, moves to anger, rejection, and finally acceptance. After you tell them the news, you must become a top-notch listener. You must ask the right questions and ask for feedback so you know what people are feeling. Once you do this, you can help them move through the stages to accepting the situation.

Every leader is also faced with some form of conflict at one time or another. As the leader, you will be the one the group looks to for resolution of the problem. Conflict should be handled rapidly so it isn’t lingering over the heads of the group or people involved. Lingering problems can cause reduce productivity, poor decision making and destroy relationships. Conflict can not be ignored, hoping that it will simply go away. If you don’t feel comfortable handling conflict resolution or confronting conflicts, you should not be a leader. It’s as simple as that! Your strength as a leader will be measured on your awareness of the conflict and your ability to resolve it. If you don’t, or can’t perform these functions, you will lose the respect of the team and people will begin to leave the organization or interrupt its progress. Communication is the key to conflict resolution. There are several steps you can take in these situations.

First, collect information. Listen to all party’s point of view. Get the opinion of outsiders if you feel it is required. The viewpoints will most likely be totally different. You need to know the feelings along with the facts from all sides in order to successfully resolve the conflict. You must ask difficult questions and listen for the answers to determine the correct path to take to resolution.

Clarify the issues. Restate the points that were made and ask the people to correct you if you misunderstood what they were saying or feeling.

Identify common ground. Move to neutral territory. This is important so that one person does not have an advantage while another is disadvantaged. Whether this is perceived or factual, it will play a role in resolving the conflict and could cause animosity towards you from one party or the other. If one person feels slighted, or that you put them in an unfair situation, you have lost their respect. Use your power as the leader to determine where and when the discussions will take place and how you will proceed. Remember, you are in charge and they came to you for help! If you need to sit people down to talk together, a round table is the most non-threatening arrangement.

Create an action plan. Be a mediator if possible and let the group discover the plan. If the group is too large or totally disagrees, you will need to step in and assign a resolution and delegate who will perform what actions. Be sure to set a deadline for the actions and assign responsibility for their completion. Communicate the assignments, making sure they are crystal clear to everyone involved and check to be sure you were understood correctly.

If a conflict cannot be resolved (which is rare but does occur), you will need to make the decisions yourself that are best for the group and the mission as a whole. Tell the group that you are making the decisions and taking the actions that you feel are best for everyone and explain why you feel that way.

Conflict can actually be healthy. It could possibly expose differences of opinion that can create an exchange of ideas to help move you and your team forward. The key is not to allow confined frustration to hamper productivity or cause people to give up. You must act quickly and authoritatively in these situations.

Your goal is mature communication amongst the team members. This type of communication allows the words, thoughts and messages to be delivered with a balance of emotional and intellectual intensity. As a leader, you have to understand that people will respond from a place of emotion initially and logic does not play a part there. Allow them time to move from emotion to intellect so they can reason out the problem intelligently, not emotionally. Don’t be judgmental, and allow people to express themselves. Your sensitivity is vital and you can’t ignore the emotions involved.

So be a great example. Your actions will speak louder than your words! You will not have the respect of your team if you don’t “walk your talk.” And learn to listen!

Louis Bonaventura
http://www.articlesbase.com/communication-articles/a-leader-communicates-effectively-learn-to-listen-127221.html

Is there any clear and applied theory of pluralism at all?

Studying different perceptions regarding the concept of pluralism in general and religious pluralism in particular reveal the undesirable fact that such theories and views are not applicable enough as far as the co existence of different cultures and religions at a global level are concerned. In other word, pluralism should not imply an inclusive perception excluding other views. In this respect contradiction arises as soon as almost all the views on pluralism including religious one presuppose that all paths of intellect leads to the same truth. Such a perception of pluralism sacrificing truth as the essence of all schools of though prescribes a relative version of truth and is considered as a monopolized school of thought. Consequently, it is inherently the opposite of plural perceptions of truth.

There are some authorities that like all other people act and think not according to their own criteria but according to what those authorities almost always prescribe for them. These authorities may appear either in a Meta-paradigm context such as philosophy, religion, science, or even mysticism or in a micro context such as policy, education, economy, or any other social institution. They usually introduce themselves as the source of prosperity and as the sole reliable path that is able to lead people to ultimate truth. Their final step as a result is homogenizing all cultures and developing a global but favorable culture established of course based on their own criteria. There are other authorities on the other hand that believe in a hetero version of global culture in which all cultures and sub cultures are not to be homogeneous but heterogeneous and pluralistic in nature. Rolf.E Brurer in this respect advocates:

 “Communication is precisely what is required. A dialogue between cultures is the only way to avoid a battle of cultures. Such a dialogue can take place only on a foundation of tolerance. There must be a willing on all sides to abide by rules acceptable to all, however different the interests and cultural characteristics of the parties involved .We must be able to endure the inherent tension in these relations in order to ensure that the world can become an open and civil society”.

The adherents of such a perception of pluralism advocate that a global culture is not to put freedom and free will of humans at risk through complicated manipulations of social systems. They emphasize that world should take step in a favorite atmosphere in which a peaceful co-existence is already guaranteed for all cultures all around the world. As a consequence they advocate the dominance of different worldviews as many as the number of existing cultures.

How ever as soon as the advocates of these two different views decide to materialize their dreams, they face the problem of mutual understanding. How is it possible for one culture to homogenize different and even opposite ways of thinking and acting and how is it possible for a specific culture to globalize its so called favorite criteria if neither does it understand other cultures nor other cultures do understand the prescriptions and presuppositions of that culture?

Therefore, as far as the inapplicability of such theories is concerned, co-existence of heterogeneous and pluralistic cultures turns out to be impossible; instead the possibility of conflict, violence and intolerance increases. At this time the third authorities emerge both in theory and in practice. In their view clash of cultures appears to be the inevitable choice in such a false pluralistic world. They believe the geographical borders through modern communication have been removed and all cultures at the present time breathe in the same atmosphere and if they avoid getting homogenized (first view) or if they stop learning to tolerate with each other (the latter view) effectively, conflict, violence, clash and even wars are inevitable.

What is the remedy?

      As soon as the discussions of inter-cultural relations or the dialogue of religions and any topic on bilateral understanding commence, tolerance turns out to be the only solution. However in my view real problem starts while people from different cultures and worldviews define their paths toward tolerance. We believe this is the false version of tolerance as we believed already there are some false definitions of pluralism. As the first lesson, tolerance dose not mean inviting others to cease walking in their path, neither does it mean to teach them any thing in contrast with their beliefs.

 As F. J. Kinsman puts it: “To tolerate everything is to teach nothing”. To tolerate with beliefs and principles of other people, it is a must to forget all your own principles and beliefs. In this respect Herbert Samuel2 believes:” It is easy to be tolerant of the principles of other people if you have none of your own”. If we examine the educational systems of different cultures, we may arrive at such a disappointing conclusion that “tolerance” has no serious place in designing, implementing, and assessing components of any school curriculum all around the world. Nonetheless, Helen Keller3 says: “The highest result of education is tolerance”. Moreover Carl Gustav Jung believes: “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves”.

However; if tolerance is the key to mutual understanding as the corner stone of inter cultural co existence and if to be tolerant is to avoid being entrapped into self worldview while approaching other worldviews and cultures, one need to respond four vital and inevitable questions:

1) Are we required to give up our beliefs forever while we start practicing tolerance?

 2) What worldview will be dominant over our thought while we try to practice tolerance?

 3) What are the presuppositions and prescriptions of that worldview that are not to be in contradiction with any worldview all around the world?

4) How can we produce such a flexible position in our minds?

 Responding these four questions, specially the third one, we present our view on pluralism in general and religious pluralism in particular. Before going to these questions, I present the capacity of Islam as revealed in holy book (Quran) and instructive narrations (Hadith) of Islamic pioneers (Imams).

A case study from Islamic culture and worldview

To approve our claims in this paper, we employed also some instances from Islamic culture in where we are living to show its potentiality toward mutual understanding. It is self evident that all cultures in the world may have enough space and potentiality to let them practice mutual understanding and tolerance. Imam Ali Believes: “Give up whatever you are proud of to start dialogue and mutual understanding”. Moreover Holy Quran in surreh49, verse13invites all people all around the world to mutual understanding without expecting them necessarily to practice only one faith or to origin from a specific nation:

   “O you men! Surely we have created you of a mail and a female, and made you tribes and families that you may know each other; surely the most honorable of you with Allah is the one among you most careful of (his duty); surly Allah is knowing, aware”.

To collect some data as a sign of necessity of mutual understanding in Islam, We also identified more verses in Quran and some Hadith or famous quotations as important building blocks of Islamic epistemology. Quran in section (surreh) 3, verse 64 invites all religions and faiths to understand each other and in fact warns the current mutual understanding of people is wrong and lead different nations to conflict and wars:

  “O followers of the book! Why do you dispute about Ibrahim, when the tavrat (Old Testament) and the Injeel (New Testament) were not revealed till after him; do you not then understand”?

1)    Pluralism Is a Better Search for Truth

    As tolerance never do mean relinquishing your own worldview, pluralism can be considered as a better endeavor in the journey of truth, while the truth itself is not expected to be necessarily acquired in any journey. Though there is obviously a difference between attitude change and mutual understanding, mostly people try to change attitudes or views of one another based on their meta-beliefs of their worldviews, while they are to co exist culturally and religiously. They are in fact involved in activities such as propaganda, thought manipulation, inculcation or any related issue but as far as tolerance is concerned, they have nothing to do with inter faith dialogue or pluralism.

That is to say in such affairs no matter we are right or wrong, we try to convince others to adapt a different way of thinking and acting. At the same time invite them to give up their views, so such a process cannot be assumed as tolerance. Such activities are too poisonous to practice tolerance through which. As soon as we get in a tolerant position, not only do we keep our own views but we are required to identify & respect others views whatever they are as the first step. In this sense if you are a member of society that is in majority you need to practice respecting all other minority groups and at the same time if you are in minority you are required to be courageous enough to keep your own ideas and also respecting others. Ralph W. Stockman advocates this view, he says: “The test of tolerance comes when we are in a majority; the test of courage comes when we are in a minority”. Friedemann Schulz von Thun (2002) believes:

 “To understand does not mean to agree. Some people fear that if they try gently and lovingly to understand the other points of view, they create the (false) impression that they are subscribing to the equation “to understand=to have sympathy for=to approve of.” It is important to know that values and virtues can affect human co-existence constructively only if they are counterbalanced by opposite but related qualities. For example: tolerance without courageous confrontation degenerates into timid leniency; conversely, confrontation without tolerance grows into aggressive contempt”.

 The second and the most important step in this stage include the certainty that knowledge acquisition of truth is a difficult job but an obligation. Such a belief motivates us to search for truth permanently. In the holy Quran Believers are required to acquire knowledge in china metaphorically as a distant place. This idea though helps us to search for truth continuously and although believers are thought to respect all other religions, it prescribes that truth is absolute and finally people are expected to surrender to it through God s will. Such a definition of pluralism never do sacrifices truth and never decline its essence as a relative entity, but require people to change their paths consciously while they experience the journey of truth so that to believe in the divine revelation as the only truth.

2)    Temporary but arbitrary worldview not imposed and relative truth

To co exist peacefully; temporary worldview must be dominant to guarantee the real required tolerance. However; the erroneous definitions of pluralism prescribe one relative version of truth excluding all other versions under the pretext of respecting opponent ideas. One may ask how it is possible to establish a system of meaning construction without relying on specific meta-beliefs crystallized in our worldview.

If we believe our thoughts and behaviors are based on our worldview, and if we are to put aside temporarily our own worldview while trying tolerance, then we not only may experience a gap but we may be too uncertain to even utter a word let alone understanding others. How ever, we should know this temporary uncertainty is the next vital necessary step to start understanding others. We cannot achieve such a position unless we build a worldview void of any bios presuppositions for a few seconds. It is at this stage that we both recognize the importance of education and what is needed to be included in the schools curriculum. Its worth repeating Helen Keller quotation, she says: “The highest result of education is “tolerance”.

 At the third stage we need to decode the worldview dominated over the culture and its member(s) to whom we are considered as the audience. At this stage we are not hearing some sounds while others are talking but we listen to what they say. By listening we mean the ability to identify worldview components of others and its related building blocks. To progress our understanding of others through this temporary worldview, we respond to universal questions of our worldview transitionally based on the building blocks and meta- beliefs of the sources to which we are audience. This is the time we get out from our one-way street and start communicating and traveling to a new universe of different ideas.

3) Capacity to understand any epistemology without a specific epistemology

     Though temporary worldview is void of any permanent prescriptions and presuppositions, it helps us try different and even opponent epistemologies. To answer the third question, we believe a temporary worldview is potentially the transitional parking place of all presuppositions running all around the world and is void of any permanent belief of that kind. However the very principle indicating the fact that every culture and worldview in general and every individual in particular may enjoy some permanent beliefs that must be respected and identified is the sole permanent presupposition of such a worldview. This is the only worldview in the world that is void of any ideology, and any self oriented evaluation system. John Locke believes:

“Till a man can judge whether they be truths or not, his UNDERSTANDING is but little improved, and thus men of much reading, though greatly learned, but may be little knowing”.

 Therefore, it is also the only worldview in where all the cultures and all the worldviews, including their permanent beliefs, prescriptions, and presuppositions can co-exist. In short it is the only position in which one finds enough potentiality, reliability, and possibility for mutual understanding and true dialogue of cultures and religions. However; as it is said earlier, it neither does mean giving up our fundamental principals nor is it considered surrendering to the perception of relative truth. It is just a safe journey respecting other beliefs and experiencing real tolerance and pluralism while searching absolute truth.

4) Education through principals of Guardianship (Vellayat)

 We need a temporary & universal worldview oriented education to bring about such an applied version of pluralism. As far as my ten years study on the subject is concerned, the only concept that can guarantee a wide range of possibilities for acquiring knowledge and truth is the concept of guardianship or Vellayat. Vellayat never does include a relative version of truth, yet it is a divine concept that includes all methods of knowledge acquisition in all schools of thought.

There is a poem in Persian saying: What ever goodness is there for the good, you have all within you. That is to say Vellayat includes not only revelation, but experience, reason, mystic experiences and any other possible methodology for intellect, ultimate reality and absolute truth. More over; it offers an extra ordinary capacity to employ a transitional worldview trying all schools of thought though leading the believers to an absolute perception of truth consciously and willingly.

To answer the fourth question and to produce such a flexible position in our minds, however, we must experience a revolutionary reform in the current school curriculum. Through a global and systematic education we let all people in general and school students in particular learn a few vital lessons:

1) What are the shared questions of all worldviews all around the world?

2) How people find local answers to their universal questions?

3) What are building Blocks of live worldviews and cultures?

 These three questions turn out to be suitable topics to help people decode other worldviews and also learn their own worldview through education. How ever, they are pre requisite section that prepares people with enough land in their worldview from which they are to take off. Another education is needed to helps people how to get out from their own worldview and how to stand in a temporary position that makes them able to feel other worldviews. That is to say they need a lesson to be courageous enough to leave their lovely home for a short while.

Conclusion

In summary, I believe mostly perceptions on religious pluralism are erroneous as far as they victimize the essence of truth. Though we believe in religious pluralism as an intellectual endeavor approaching the process of conflict resolution, I maintain an epistemological focus that is ignored in almost all the theories probing the concept of pluralism in general and the idea of religious pluralism in particular. The possibility of mutual understanding as a result is advocated through resorting to a secure and safe perception of truth. We tried to offer an applied perception of pluralism in general and religious pluralism in particular. More over; we posed 4 questions to organize our thought for introducing concepts such as transitional worldview, tolerance, truth, mutual understanding, and other operational definitions for the related key words’. The whole paper focused on introducing a new style in the process of conflict resolution though the key word is rarely used. Finally a key concept such as guardianship (Vellayat) has been introduced as the intellectual endeavor to bring about tolerance and pluralism as far as inter faith dialogue and inter cultural relations is concerned.

End notes

[1] Associate professor and the member of scientific  board at institute for Islamic thought and culture

2 British Liberal Statesman, Philosophical Writer,  (1870-1963)

3 1880-1968, American Blind/Deaf Author, Lecturer, Amorist 

4A

Bibliography

1-       Naderi, Culture Recognition, Arsh Pajouh, Tehran, 2004, ch, 3 p

2-       Abolghasemi & Naderi, Is Hope Culture Bound, Interdisciplinary net, Oxford Shire, ?2007

3-       Fridemann Schulz Von Thun, Lets Talk, Ways towards Mutual Understanding, Alfred Herrhausen Society, 2002, p84.

4-       Wolfgang Schauble, An order which binds us, Alfred Herrhausen Society for International Talk,2002,p166

5-       Rolf-E.Breuer, Freedom s Twin, Alfred Herrhausen Society for International Talk,2002,p11

6-       Mahmud Zakzouk, Islam: source of Tolerance, Alfred Herrhausen Society for International Talk,2002, p233

7-       Muhammad Ali, A message of Peace, Alfred Herrhausen Society for International Talk,2002, p273

8-       Bassam Tibi, A Plea For A Reform Islam, A Euro- Islamic Vision, Alfred Herrhausen Society for International Talk,2002, p238

9-       Holy Quran of Muslims, M.H. Shakhir Translation, Hujurat(The chambers) , verse 13

10-   Holy Quran of Muslims, M.H. Shakhir Translation, Alay Imran (The Family of Imran), Verse 64

11-   James W. Sire, Discipleship of the Mind, (IVP, 1990)

12-   Aerts, D., Apostel L., De Moor B., Hellemans S., Maex E., Van Belle H., Van Der Veken J., Worldviews: From Fragmentation to Integration, VUB Press, Brussels, 1994.

13-   Funk Ken, What Is Worldview, Oregon State University, 2001.

14-   Imam Ali, Nahjolbalagheh,

siavosh
http://www.articlesbase.com/culture-articles/interfaith-dialogue-religious-pluralism-conflict-resolution-700101.html

When you’ve taken on the task of helping others resolve conflict, your most important job is to know what questions must be answered to help clarify the situation. The more of these questions you can answer, the better you be able to help your clients to tap their own resources to resolve the conflict.

The questions you must keep in mind will help your clients to identify the problem, identify the goal they want to achieve and discover the areas in which they already agree.

Here are some questions to keep in mind that will help you and your clients to resolve the conflict.

Identifying the problem—·Do the participants know what their problem is?
· Do they need your help in order to define it?
·Is the problem actually within the group, or is it a symptom of conflict?
·Are clients arguing about solutions before the important issues have been identified?
·What issues are being avoided or brought up in conversation and then quickly dropped?
·What are the group’s sacred cows?
·Is there an elephant—something that is obvious that nobody is willing to talk about—in the vicinity?

Identifying the goal—·What is the desired overall result?
·Do all participants agree on that goal? If not, is there a larger goal on which they agree?
·Does disagreement concern the goal itself, or only the means by which the goal should be attained?

Establishing areas of agreement—·On what issues do all participants agree? If you begin the conflict resolution process by establishing a climate of agreement, it is easier for the participants to accept that an agreeable solution can be reached.

Behavioral and communication patterns are often just as important to understanding the situation as are specific areas of disagreement. Keep these questions in mind as well to help you understand what happens from moment to moment.
·To whom is most of the communication in the group addressed?
·Are remarks responded to politely?
·Are speakers interrupted?
·Who directs traffic?
·Who doesn’t respond at all?
·How do individuals within the group position themselves in relation to each other?
·What does their body language imply?
·Are verbal and physical messages congruent?
·Who is active?
·Who is passive?
·Who facilitates the process?
·Who creates obstacles to clarification?
·Are unwritten rules interfering with resolution of this conflict?
·If so, how can the group be made aware have and dispense with them?

This may seem like an overwhelming number of things to keep in mind. An expert in conflict resolution is probably aware of most of them most of the time. The more of these questions you’re able to keep in mind the more effective and helpful you will be in a situation.

Remember it’s your job to help your clients resolve their conflict, not to do it for them.

Laurie Weiss
http://www.articlesbase.com/communication-articles/conflict-the-critical-questions-part-3-of-4-70035.html

A first-rate communicator discerns how to deal with conflict. His goal is not to eliminate conflict but to control it in such a way that it brings about evolution and constructive outcome. We all have our personal ways of dealing with conflict, our own methods of handling trying situations. How do you control conflict to minimize risks and maximize benefits? How can you handle conflict in a way that boosts your growth potential? The following iterates different ways we cope with conflict in a small assembly:

Mr. Avoider: Several people strive for detachment because they are awkward with anger in any form. Sometimes their evasion creates conflict or makes a frenzied situation worse. Evasion can be of advantage to you if you are not part of the predicament or part of the solution. It is not always your duty to “fix” every conflict that arises in your home or workplace.

Madame Accommodator: The Accommodator tries to keep everyone happy. This person’s objective is shallow harmony, not necessarily an equitable resolution of the discord. Accommodation is favored when the concerns are minor or when the relationship would be irreparably spoiled because tempers are too hot. Here the solution is only passing.

Stealthy Compromiser: The Compromiser tenders a solution which, at first glance, appears to settle conflict. Nonetheless, both sides are left disgruntled because both yield something they wanted. Compromise works best when time is fleeting and both parties benefit. But it’s a less than ideal situation because everyone loses something.

Aggressive Competitor: For the Competitor, discord is a fun game. Power gets this person’s interest. The competitive approach is greatest when all parties distinguish the power relationship between themselves and know that action is crucial. Like the others, this is merely a provisional answer. This dispute returns, perhaps in a more powerful form.

Savvy Negotiator: This person hunts for consensus and works assiduously to get it. Negotiation works best when all parties have problem-solving skills. Negotiators work to discover methods satisfactory to both parties while keeping objectives and values intact. This is the best tonic for communication breakdown.

The first aim in resolving friction is to deal constructively with the emotions involved. Keep in mind that you should regard the other person with respect, listen until you “experience the other side,” and to convet your views, needs and emotions. Though talking may trigger conflict, it is also the only means of deciding it.

Discussion can focus on defining the crisis by saying, “I hear…” looking for agreement by saying, “I agree …”; understanding feelings “I understand …”; and stating views calmly. “I think…” Several people plunge headlong into conflict without determining if their timing is right to work out the situation. Others forget to set the stipulations for the conflict. Many jump into a conflict without knowing if the other person assents to the terms.

Deploying the method described above promotes the genuine and direct expression of feelings by one person at a time. As emotions are articulated, heard and acknowledged, they are transient. When they are not expressed, heard or acknowledged, they fester. This style can rapidly neutralize emotions so divergence can be discussed more fruitfully.

Warmly.

Joseph Plazo

Joseph Plazo
http://www.articlesbase.com/advertising-articles/savvy-coping-with-conflict-78779.html

All expert communicators have strategies for dealing with conflict. Their goal isn’t to eliminate conflict but to deal with it so that the result is growth and constructive solutions. We all have our own ways of dealing with conflict, our own styles of handling difficult situations. How do you manage conflict to minimize risks and maximize benefits? How can you handle conflict in a way that increases your growth potential? The following lists are different ways we deal with conflict in a small group:

The Avoider: Some people strive for neutrality because they are uncomfortable with anger in any form. Sometimes their avoidance creates conflict or makes a heated situation worse. Avoidance can be of benefit to you if you are not part of the problem or part of the solution. It is not always your responsibility to “fix” every conflict that arises in your home or workplace.

The Accommodator: The Accommodator tries to make everyone happy. This person’s objective is superficial harmony, not necessarily an equitable resolution of the conflict. Accommodation is preferred when the issues are minor or when the relationship would be irreparably damaged because tempers are too hot. Here the solution is only temporary.

The Compromiser: The Compromiser offers a solution which, at first glance, appears to resolve conflict. However, both sides are left unsatisfied because both give up something they

wanted. Compromise works best when time is short and both parties benefit. But it’s a less than perfect situation because everyone loses something.

The Competitor: For the Competitor, conflict is a game. Power gets this person’s attention. The competitive approach is best when all parties recognize the power relationship between themselves and know that action is imperative. Like the others, this is merely a temporary answer. This conflict returns, perhaps in a more powerful form.

The Negotiator: This person seeks consensus and works tirelessly to get it. Negotiation works best when all parties have problem-solving skills. Negotiators work to find methods satisfactory to both parties while keeping goals and values intact. This is the best remedy for communication breakdown.

The first goal in resolving conflict is to deal constructively with the emotions involved. Keep in mind that you should treat the other person with respect, listen until you “experience the other side,” and to state your views, needs and feelings. Though talking may trigger conflict, it is also the only means of resolving it.

Talking must focus on defining the problem by saying, “I hear…” looking for agreement by saying, “I agree …”; understanding feelings “I understand …”; and stating views calmly. “I think…” Some people plunge head first into conflict without determining if their timing is right to resolve the situation. Some forget to set the terms for the confrontations. Others jump into a conflict without knowing if the other person consents to the terms.

By using these methods you’ll encourage genuine and direct expression of feelings. When feelings are expressed, heard and acknowledged, they become the blueprint for productive future communication. When they aren’t expressed, heard or acknowledged, they fester. This approach can rapidly defuse emotions so differences can be discussed more productively.

Maggie Kline
http://www.articlesbase.com/advice-articles/know-your-conflict-style-51535.html

All marriages will have communication problems once in a while. But when poor communication with your spouse becomes a chronic problem, all aspects of your life together can be affected. Read on for some simple communication techniques for common communication issues.

Honesty

Speaking honestly and openly with your spouse may be the most important factor to effective communication. The lack of which may be one of the most basic causes behind conflicts. Before you start to blame your spouse for not being open and honest, take a look at your communication habits. Do you ever:

-Tell your spouse what you think they want to hear just to end the argument?

-Avoid bringing up an issue that’s important to you because it makes your spouse uncomfortable?

-Not ask for what you want directly, instead hoping that they will “figure it out?”

Listening

There is a difference between waiting for your spouse to make a point before you These are just a few of the common communication pitfalls that prevent honest and productive discussions from happening. By avoiding the real issues, for whatever the reason, you are not being honest with your spouse and you are cheating yourself from resolving the problem. Not only will this cause more problems in the future, but you will both feel unsatisfied and you can be sure the argument will surface again. Honest communication means discussing an issue with maturity and respect.

contradict it and actually trying to understand what they are saying. You can’t expect your spouse to take the time to listen to you if you don’t do the same for them. Encourage your spouse to open up to you – and understand that you may have to make the first move. Offering to let your spouse talk first while you listen may help them understand your commitment to a productive conversation. Give feedback as they talk and try to summarize what they have said to make sure you really understand where they are coming from. Your patience and understanding will pay off as they show you the same respect when it’s your turn to open up.

Practice

Once you’ve found what communication tactics work – use them. It may take a while to find out what methods work best, but I bet you already know what doesn’t work. Start with identifying those tactics that don’t get you anywhere; whether it’s be yelling, ignoring, or avoiding the issue. Talk with your spouse and make a resolution to identify and stop the unhealthy and unproductive communication tactics that are restricting you from effective, productive communication. And don’t be afraid to try new communication tactics. Marriage takes a lot of work and practice makes perfect.

For more information on effective communication and conflict resolution, visit http://www.marriagemax.com

Kausik Dutta
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/3-ways-to-effective-communication-in-you-marriage-121048.html